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ABOUT MARRIAGE: SHARING DUTIES IN A NEW HOME
If both partners plan to work, then there must be a general sharing of domestic duties. In short, if there are two breadwinners in the unit, there must also be two housemaids. We covered this briefly in principle in the previous chapter, but there we assumed the wife was not working.
When both are energetically spending eight hours a day at work (plus perhaps another one to two hours travelling to and from work), this minimizes the balance of available time. Sleeping, eating, preparing food and doing the other essential duties, takes so many hours. Which leaves only a relatively small amount of time to do everything else.
To avoid arguments which may inevitably crop up later on (after the initial euphoria has waned a little), it is really worth discussing these matters ‘ ‘in depth.” Why not sit down and write down all the possible items of work (in general principle) that will regularly occur? There is nothing like setting things down on paper for clarity. Add to it, and subtract from it. Then discuss the way in which these activities can be divided up. “I’ll do this; how about you taking care of that?”’ ‘Would you like to be responsible for this activity, while I get this section done?”
It might sound a bit airy-fairy, but in practice, it works. This way you will not be accusing one another of shirking. You will each bear relatively equal loads.
In many cases the girl is good at finances. Many women are really keen and mentally alert when it comes to running the money side of the house. They are good buyers, can dig out the bargains and make sensible purchases, and in short, are simply way ahead of males. Not always, of course, but often.
Therefore, many males find it a good idea to leave the financial running of the home to the wife. It can be worked out how the funds are to be divided up, and then the actual modus operandi can be left in her hands.
Conversely, the husband might be excellent at other aspects. In some homes he actually likes doing the cooking, or the domestic chores. Some wives like cutting the lawns. Some males are happier tinkering in their spare time with household repairs, getting the hundred-and-one little odd-jobs (which abound in every home) carried out quickly and expertly. Or the place may need a paint, or the squeaky door needs fixing, or some electrical faults have to be attended to, or the pipes become blocked and the sink won’t empty properly. So he prefers to accept the responsibility of these aspects of home care.
What about the shopping, both for clothing as well as food, as well as things in general? Once more, it depends on the mutual likes and dislikes and capabilities of the two. Some men hate shopping. I do. In fact, my wife has kindly done the shopping for me and my family for all our married life. I hate buying shirts and socks and other items of clothing. She has good taste, knows what I like, and that is that. Likewise, she does the domestic shopping, the food, and what-not.
On the other hand, many males love pushing a trolley around the supermarkets, doing the weekly buying. It all depends on how you feel about these things, and what your individual tastes are like. But, as these activities are going to continue on a never-ending basis for the rest of time, it is worth coming to some sort of mutually satisfactory pattern of living early in the piece.
Of course this does not mean you have to stick slavishly to the plan. If I decide I want to buy a tie, I go out and buy a tie. (Last time was about fifteen years ago.) This upsets nobody. But it is general principles of an on-going pattern that are worth deciding upon, the general overall scheme, that we are discussing.
Delineation of activities is a good idea. It sets out a general blueprint for future living. It can be varied, altered and changed about at any time according to its practicability and the wishes of I both partners.
Of course, from time to time, this pattern will have to be altered, probably radically. It may be a satisfactory method right now, but when baby number one arrives, it may have to be totally changed.
*7/76/5*
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